Thirteen Tidbits I Learned About TYOGs

My TYOG (with the daisies on her tookus) and her best TYOG friends

My TYOG (with the daisies on her tookus) and her best TYOG friends

After last week’s bleak post on suicide I felt I needed to lighten it up a bit. Nothing will inspire levity like spending four hours with a giggling gaggle of thirteen-year-old girls (TYOGs).

We had our daughter’s thirteenth birthday party this past weekend. What started off as one of the pissiest moments of my week (don’t even get me started on the reservation bungle for our apartment complex’s clubhouse) turned into a multi-hour research project for my two YA works-in-progress. Here are thirteen tidbits I learned about TYOGs.

number_01The volume of sound produced by five TYOGs is equal to two 747 engines and ten cats whose tails have been bitten by alligators.

number_02TYOGs have the capacity to discuss something other than Minecraft once they’re around at least one other TYOG who doesn’t play it.

number_03Even though you’d think five TYOGs would have more collective energy than two forty-year-olds, two forty-year-olds can quickly outpace said TYOGs on a one-mile walk to Rita’s Italian Ice.

number_04TYOGs are unable to walk as fast as two forty-year-olds because they can’t walk and talk at the same time.

number_05When asked if they’d like to shoot pool (in the clubhouse that we were able to use for all of fifteen minutes of the FOUR HOURS we’d reserved), TYOGs will look at you like you’ve asked them if they’d like to do the mashed potato.

number_06TYOGs speak a lot of words that don’t seem to mean anything, at least that forty-year-olds can understand—they’re like twins with their own made-up language.

number_07TYOGs can find oodles of opportunities to take selfies: forest selfies, sunset selfies, EEEWWW-daddy-has-a-gross-bug-on-his-back selfies.

number_08TYOGs hashtag everything—out loud: #rude, #scary, #Frankenstein (all uttered, mostly sarcastically, while watching “The Monster Squad”).

number_09TYOGs are still close enough to children to enjoy a dash around the clubhouse just as their parents tell them it’s time to go.

number_10TYOGs still see the wonder in things, like a five-year-old girl holding Frankenstein’s hand in “The Monster Squad”…and that TYOGs (and TYOs in general) wore fugly clothes in the late eighties (trust me, I know…I was there).

number_11TYOGs can be surprisingly loving and kind to each other.

number_12TYOGs sometimes still think it’s cool to dance with their moms.

number_13I never want to be a TYOG again.

So, what about you? Tell me what you’ve learned if you’ve spent any time around TYOs lately. What’s changed about TYOs since you were one? Assuming you’d want to be a TYO again (you’re nuts), what would you do first? If anyone has any advice for this mid-FortyYO mother of a TYOG, please dispense it below…and quickly.

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